Top Gear: The Transporters - 760Li vs A8L V8 TDI vs S63 AMG vs XJ L Super Sports

[Driy]

You've got a shipment of ice to drop at Essex docks by nightfall, or the boss will be sending you home in three separate cabs. Time to get the boys together and test some new super-saloon metal...

Words: Tom Ford
Photos: Joe Windsor-Williams



There's a distinct possibility that I have never looked so wantonly shady in my entire life. A statement starkly illustrated by the fact that even on a typical day I look like an unsuccessful petty criminal and have a job that entails hanging around in car parks poncing around with cripplingly expensive cars on whose V5 registration documents I am invariably absent. Used to the wary glances and narrowed eyes that speak of suspicion, the distrust and scepticism of the general public is pretty much water off a greasy duck's back to me. Today, you couldn't blame a stop and search just on general principles.



A little scene-setting then: driving a Mercedes Benz S63 L in black, dressed in a dark suit, shades on, being conspicuously tailed through central London by similarly be-suited men in equally dark versions of the BMW 760Li, the new Audi A8L and the Jaguar XJ L Super Sports. The air of money on the move means that there's a lot of peering going on whenever we get caught in one of London's interminable eddies of lazy traffic. A full set of wondering glances and little pouts of confusion as our little gathering of superlimos slides past with the easy, malevolent bulk of a pod of killer whales through a school of civilian tuna. These cars may be large, but there's grace, and more than a hint that if they decided to bare teeth, you better find somewhere to drop'n'roll. Seeing this lot scythe through traffic is both impressive and vaguely disconcerting. Something, nudges your intuition, is going on.



And it is. TopGear is trying to find out which big fast saloon is best for transporting people and things of high net worth around from place to sparkly place. Grace, pace and space are all necessary, as is a healthy dose of subtlety to avoid the tender ministrations of the paparazzi. Or indeed the police. Long wheelbases suggest that comfort and space is covered, the big numeral badges on the back equally indicating in no uncertain terms that warp speed is also neatly taken care of. The cars peel off to do various little high-end courier-type errands around the city, and it's time to assess which limo bruiser really has what it takes before we re-convene down at the docks in Essex for a little twilight negotiation. Not dodgy at all then.



The S63 instantly feels like the archetype and it's a genuine surprise that the S-Class still feels so rounded and brilliant. Six-point-two litres of naturally-aspirated V8, 518bhp and the kind of looks that speak of barely restrained muscle poking elegantly through a familiar skein of modern S-Class. The cabin is - as you might expect - restrained and conservative, although remarkably button-lite, the feeling one of instant, easy, woofling power and Teutonic brilliance. It says something about the image of the car that when we stop outside the Gherkin to take pictures, people simply assume that we are supposed to be there and leave us alone. Or maybe they're scared. Whichever works. But drive it, or lounge in the back, and you remember why the S-Class has been at the top for so long.



Never has a car so cleverly managed to diffuse 2,250kg across a range of ability. The steering is tight and tidy, the body control with the ABC adaptive suspension faintly magical. This S63 V8 requires more revs than biturbo variants like the S600 and the S65 V12s, but in recompense it delivers a far more aurally pleasing grumble, so much so that working through the 7G-Tronic seven-speed auto is an unmitigated joy. But the S63 feels like a driver's car rather than a car that completely focuses on the rear-seat accommodation - if you want to really sprawl, you need to look to BMW, and the 760iL.



Why? Well the 760iL is simply massive. Massive in the back, massive in the front, massive in the engine bay. It's a monster. Two turbos feed a 6.0-litre V12 and provide a supercar-baiting 544bhp. It weighs a similar amount to the S63, and gets to 62mph in exactly the same time of 4.6 seconds. Both are limited to 155mph, though the way the big BMW puts on speed is totally different. Mainly because this BMW hums its way through an eight-speed gearbox in a stately fashion, shrugging off gravity via the elemental crowbar of 750lb ft of torque. If you're in the back, you won't even ripple the Cristal before you're doing illegal speeds.



As a driver, it doesn't have the appeal of the S63, leaning more towards the limo than the sporting saloon - a situation inexplicably made even more confusing by the five different driving style options, none of which seem to work properly. But it looks impressive and impassive from the outside, feels properly creamy in every situation and genuinely has one of the most relaxing rear-environments of any of the cars here. In the back it feels very special.



Which leaves us with two new pretenders to the crown. The new Jaguar XJ L SS and the Audi A8 4.2 TDi quattro. The Jag is the car that everyone seems to be gawping at, a shape that really comes together in the uncompromising real world, a form that makes the other cars here look, frankly, dowdy. That's not to say that the XJ is particularly flashy, but with this much conservative metal, the XJ looks the most forward thinking and easily the most contemporary.



A 5.0-litre V8 generously funded by a supercharger punts out just over 500bhp, equating to a 0-62 time just 0.1 second shy of either the S63 or the 760iL. It's mega quick. It's also the noisiest by some margin and the least pleasing to ride in the back of, the enveloping heft of 760iL lost in a weight saving of enormous proportions; the XJ weighs just 1,915k - some 325kg less than the S63 or the 760. And it shows in the driving.

The XJ may have a nibbly rear-seat ride compared to the two heavier cars, but get behind the wheel and the XJ puts clear dynamic distance between itself and the rest. The Merc may have supernatural body control, but the XJ brings things back to basics; it just feels lighter, tauter and more natural. It doesn't have to sidestep the weight issue by being clever. The brakes have more feel, the steering is more intense, the interior more exciting and flamboyant and an eminently more interesting place to spend time.



Which leaves us with the A8. The 4.2 V8 TDi A8 quattro to be exact. A diesel. Now before we get all flippant about a dirty oil-burner, it would be wise to point out that although this V8 punts out ‘only' 350bhp, it produces 590lb ft of torque in the kind of curve that looks like a blueprint for a kitchen table. It also manages nearly twice the mpg of any of the cars here in normal driving, meaning that it has continent-crushing cruising ability and 600-mile range. Something that might well be important when needing to get places quickly; few people look particularly groovy filling up.



The new A8 is also ridiculously tech-heavy, taking on the S-Class's mantle of geek ride of choice. Handwriting recognition, wireless LAN, nightvision, multi-input adaptive cruise - all brought together in one discreet-yet-pleasing interior package. Wrap that up in the surety of quattro and add exterior styling that veers dangerously close to boring, and you've got a car that really can glide around doing the luxe thing without provoking the wrong sort of attention. Or any attention at all, going by the reactions of the public in London's diamond district, Hatton Garden. Instant anonymity; just add A8.



Filtering through town it's clear that two cars get the most attention; the Jag and the Merc. Both are naturally more interesting to look at than the BMW or the Audi, both with a more defined air of menace and potential. All schlep around with confident ease, the Audi making best use of its generous torque, the Jag and the S63 noisily announcing their presence, the 760iL sweeping up imperiously behind.



The traffic light drag might see the Audi left marginally behind - it gets to 62mph in 5.5 seconds, just under a second slower than the other cars - but add a light leavening of rain and the 4x4 drivetrain doles out traction where the other three are tapping out morse code SOS messages through their traction control lights. Even when we leave town and start to really get moving, the Audi remains in touch, if not in a position to overhaul. In fact, that deluge of diesel torque seems to allow it to cruise with devastating efficiency; a steady 70mph is barely a 1,100rpm whisper, with enough left in reserve to punch cleanly through the legal limits and straight into court.



We continue to drive through the outskirts of London, getting as much attention as a group of supercars. Which is odd. But then again, there's something uniquely threatening about a large black saloon that makes you want to hide.

Maybe it's a quirk of class memory, maybe it's too many gangster films, but there's definitely something about a big blacked-out powerful saloon that makes you feel like you shouldn't take too much obvious interest in whoever's driving. A subtle flow of not just expense, but of power, both physical and metaphorical. Four abreast on London's Westway and it's hard not to feel important. Powerful. Just a little bit dangerous - a feeling that dissipates quickly when, playing in traffic, and I left-foot brake the BMW having just been driving the Jag - the servo assistance being somewhat different, I nearly headbutt the steering wheel and pop wildly back up to see two teenagers in a Peugeot 306 laughing so hard they stall their car.



A lazy run through Essex brings quite a few surprises, not least of which is just how fast all four of these cars really can be once they have the bit between their teeth and a bit of room in which to open up. The Audi is a relentless thing, surging through the dial and the superb 8-speed gearbox in a near-endless shove. There's no hint of wheelspin even on heavy launches, and despite a slight nose-heavy feel through long sweepers, if you stick the car in ‘dynamic' mode and play with the little paddles, there's fun to be had. Though its worth noting that from more than 40 yards - and despite the frowny LED face - the A8 just looks too much like an A4. That said, this engine makes for a supreme distance-bashing limo - and is the one to have over the 4.2 FSi petrol.



The BMW is similarly speedy, but never really feels as comfortable or connected. It always feels big, a touch more stately and less enthusiastic than either the S63 of the XJ SS. But it is quieter and if you're in the back, it's better than everything else here. The Merc and the Jag are pretty much evenly matched on paper, and in the real world they have similar pace, but differing executions. The Jaguar really does feel like a smaller, lighter car, where the Mercedes simply demolishes the horizon. The Merc is stupidly stable at speed, the Jag less so, though the trade off is a slight numbness to the S63 in slower speed corners, the bits where the Jag is making you smile with just how nimble it can feel on the right road.



We sweep into the Port of Tilbury looking like extras from a modern version of The Long Good Friday, and searching for answers. But there are really only two. The £98k BMW 760iL is the least successful at being both dynamic and luxurious. It hits hard, but has an annoying habit of feeling confused as to its purpose. The Audi is brilliant in so many ways - not least in producing a diesel engine that can compete in this company - but it simply isn't stylish enough to cut it, even when it costs a relatively frugal £63k in basic trim (a figure that becomes hazy once you start totting up the options). But the fact remains: if it looked better, it would have made a bid for the top spot.



Which leaves the Mercedes S63 and the Jaguar XJ SS to fight it out. The Merc is still remarkable, which it should be for £105k. Driving the S63 again reminded me of how complete these cars are. But if I had to choose the best big saloon currently on the market, I'd plump for the £90k Jaguar XJ L. It has the best interior, the best driving dynamics and is, by some margin, the best looking. I was looking for grace, space and pace; a tagline Jaguar used to use some time ago. Seems like they found it again.

[novass]

What?!  Top Gear picked the Jag?  They probably only picked the Jag because there wasnt an Aston in the test.   

[goodduck]

has tom ford always written that well? thanks for posting

[Sir_GT]

has tom ford always written that well? thanks for posting

Both Tom and James (May) are great writers. Tom just can't seem to carry it over to the screen though.

[yeckmohr]

thanks for this nice article, those big black transporters are looking great, you can see a lot of them in germany driven by our government, of course not the jag.

[Driy]

LOL! yes the Jag pick was predictable  .

Id take the S class and then the 7. The 7 is boring but I like it alot.

[Schwalbe]

I like the 3 big German limousines. But, I hate British cars...I mean Indian cars ! 

[yeckmohr]

they forgot the handbuild VW Phaeton, it's driven by our president of germany, the chancellor merkel prefer the s-class. funny thing is that we have to save money for the government that'swhy we have so much tax on our fuelprice and we have to rescue the enviroment and must drive small vehicle and they drive the big V8 machines, nobody undestands this over here, they say they need so much space to work in the car.

[ARMAN]

^^ you cant expect goverment people to drive in vectra o matiz

[yeckmohr]

^^ you cant expect goverment people to drive in vectra o matiz

why not? the police in berlin drives opel corsa.
our defense minister, hopefully he will be the new chancellor, drives with a bike in berlin.

[TopGearNL]

What?!  Top Gear picked the Jag?  They probably only picked the Jag because there wasnt an Aston in the test.   

Soo true 

But I would also go for the XJ, its not as playboy as the Merc, different from the BMW and the new A8 is like an xxl A4 to me..